Quieting the Minds Eye

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Niesra
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Dec 04, 2021 7:43 pm

Quieting the Minds Eye

Post by Niesra » Fri May 19, 2023 10:31 pm

The chill of an early spring night glistened on the white stone walls of a novice cell, as Niesra wiped condensation droplets off the rickety desk she had been allowed. It was true some things from the past you could not escape, and some you had to atone for, yet a rickety desk was better than no desk at all. Placing the dust cloth on her tiny porthole of a window’s sill she looked at the scrub bucket, water still steaming. Cleaning helped with clear thinking, at least for her it did, the rhythmic motions of daily tasks helped to clear the mind and process complex thoughts.

Reaching down she lifted the bucket placing it by the door to take down to the kitchens in the morning, she had completed the floor an hour ago, but the water had been scalding. A scullery maid did not like her, she was perfectly fine with that, she was not here to be the maid’s friend. She had come to Tar Valon to attempt a feat few women could, and few women still held title to in these days. Whatever would come, she would face it as she had faced her most recent past and go wherever the wheel wove her.

The bucket sloshed slightly as she put it down seeing the fire had burned down to just embers glowing amongst a pile of ash. The hearth would need to be cleaned in the morning, but for now it was safe. Walking over she picked up a log as thick as her slender arm and placed it onto the coals, it would catch in time and give warmth long into the night. Thoughts moved through her mind like the web of a giant spider, each thought connecting with another at different intervals. It was a comfort to be back in simple life for now, chores, classes, lessons, and saidar, her thread seemed to be coming full circle in the age lace.

With a quick nod she lowered herself onto her bottom, legs crossed close to her body. Slowly she lifted both palms up to her thighs, palm up, a gentle straightening of her spine saw the backs of her palms rest atop her knees. With measured breath she began to fill her lungs deep, releasing the air slowly, her mind counting from one to four before releasing. Chest rising and falling evenly she looked at the tiny nail sized hole in the mantle above the fireplace. The warmth of the now catching log embracing her as her blood pressure lowered and the focus she sought came more clearly.

Slowly her vision began to blur as she focused on the hole, her mind quieting as hope, joy, anger, frustration, and pain began to flood from her focus. Emotion released from her as saidar did after every longing embrace, there was only her mind and the hole in the mantle. Finally, the mind was quiet, and the real work could begin. Her breathing normal, she began to pull the memories of fate from her long-since buried past.

Emotions threatened her mind as she relived the events, her focus however won over each attempted invasion. The feelings of betrayal, anger, rage, loneliness, and disapproval quaked her mind’s eye as she fought to keep focus. The images began to shimmer as she reached the climax of these events and then the slow calm coming once, they too began to fade from feeling. Her path had been one of a victim, so long ago, if she was to survive, then it could not be repeated. A single tear fell from her right eye as she allowed one by one the emotions to pass through her until the last one lingered before her mind’s eye.

Fear was the crippling force in many a story, but it could not be allowed in hers any longer. The mind’s eye quaked again, nearly collapsing. Regulating her breathing she calmed it with great effort, another tear rolling down her right cheek as she embraced the fear, her body attempting to tremble as she attempted to hold it steady. Fear of failing, fear of judgement, fear of not aiding the light as much as she could, fear of the Seanchan coming for her. A phantom collar grazing her neck as she held firm to the mind’s eye and kept focus. The collar was not there, and the others she could do nothing about on her own.

Saidar pulsed in the back of her mind like a light ball as she snapped from the meditative state and stared dumbfounded at the flames. Could Alison Sedai have been right, was it truly that simple? These thoughts flooded her mind before she spoke to herself in realization.
“Oh, what an old fool you have been, if only you had done this sooner.” Letting the moment take her she recited the old phrase from the wise women. “Fear is the mind killer; it is the little death that seeks to destroy. I will face my fear and let it pass through me."