Ely edit Dec 28 2022:
1-6 qps, depending on length and quality.
Rplizer +1 qps : x
Extra meticulous edit +1 qps : x
Length bonus +1-2 qps : x
Summary: +1 qps : x
Total: 8 qps, Tazelam, Amilesa, Akiran and Athroc also awarded.
Bonus qps: 2x.
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Summary: A group discussion on what makes up the essential nature of mustaches.
Characters: Lexiane, Tazelam, Akiran, Amilesa, and Athroc
RP-lizer and light editing
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Tower Square
[ obvious exits: N E S W ]
Zone: Tar Valon
Door north: TarlomensGate
The corpse of a rat is lying here.
A marble bench, flecked with gold and bronze, adorns the floor.
An oil lamp, set in a steel cage, hangs from a high wooden pole.
An elaborately sculpted marble fountain splashes merrily.
A stout wooden barrel stands nearby.
A raucous group of sailors saunter by, speaking loudly.
Tazelam the Guardsman is standing here, riding a warhorse.
A Tower Guard watches for signs of trouble.
The Tar Valon town crier stands here, spreading the news.
A gray palfrey prances skittishly nearby.
Lexiane looks at Tazelam.
A young Domani man with a small blue gem in one ear. He's attempting to
grow a moustache, but so far the effects are negligible.
Tazelam is in excellent condition.
Lexiane says 'Hello, guardsman!'
Lexiane peers closely at the insignia on your cloak.
A Tower Guard has arrived from the west.
Lexiane says 'Queen's Guard, is it?'
Tazelam nods in agreement.
Tazelam bows before Lexiane.
Lexiane says 'I like your almost mustache!'
Lexiane runs a hand over her bald head.
Tazelam says 'Yes ma'am. And uh. I'm working on it.'
Lexiane says 'It is like the memory of a mustache, but it is actually just one growing.'
Lexiane nods her shaved head.
Tazelam rubs his upper lip self-consciously.
Lexiane says 'Interesting to think about, what the true nature of a mustache such as yours is.'
Tazelam says 'Eh? True nature?'
Lexiane says 'Is it a mustache, despite not quite meeting the definition of one?'
Lexiane says 'Anyone who looks at it can see it is an attempt at a mustache.'
Lexiane says 'So does it fall under the category of mustache?'
Tazelam says 'Well it does exist.'
Lexiane cocks her head to one side, studying you as a bird might study a particularly interesting insect.
Tazelam says 'So I would say yes.'
Lexiane says 'But it isn't a mustache, now is it?'
Akiran has arrived from the east, riding a gray palfrey.
Lexiane curtseys before Akiran.
Tazelam says 'Um, I'm not sure, it either is, or it isn't?'
Akiran inclines his head in greeting to Lexiane.
Lexiane says 'Lord Wall Guard, we were just discussing whether or not Tazelam has a mustache or not.'
Akiran looks at Tazelam.
Lexiane says 'Or if what he has should be considered a mustache'
Akiran nods in agreement.
Lexiane says 'Tazelam, do you think it is both a mustache and not a mustache?'
Akiran says 'Have you attempted to weigh this alleged mustache?'
Lexiane says 'No, I doubt it weighs anything.'
Akiran strokes his chin thoughtfully.
Lexiane gestures to the peach fuzz on Tazelam's upper lip.
Tazelam says 'Um. Well if I had to say yes or no, I would say yes. But I am likely biased.'
Akiran says 'Have you determined its volume?'
Lexiane says 'I guess the question is, can a mustache be a mustache if we recognize that it is trying to be a mustache but it does not quite meet the definition of mustache.'
Amilesa has arrived from the west, riding a shaggy brown mare.
Amilesa curtseys before Lexiane.
Akiran says 'I guess that only leaves one sure way to know whether it is indeed a mustache.'
Lexiane says 'And what way is that?'
Amilesa curtseys before Akiran.
Lexiane looks at Akiran hopefully.
Lexiane smiles at Amilesa.
Tazelam quickly covers his mouth.
Lexiane says 'Amilesa, do you think Tazelam has a mustache or not?'
Akiran says 'Novice, how do you propose we determine whether Guardsman Tazelam has a mustache?'
Amilesa shows a dagger to Akiran.
Amilesa looks at Tazelam.
Lexiane nods her shaved head.
Lexiane says 'Excellent question, Lord Guard.'
Amilesa says 'Is the question if he has one, or if he SHOULD have one?'
Tazelam drops his hand when it seems like no one is trying to assault his mustache.
Akiran says 'Whether there is a mustache present.'
Lexiane says 'Oh, that question is too subjective for me.'
Amilesa says 'If we remove the mustache, the he won't have one in either case once we are done.'
Lexiane strokes her chin thoughtfully.
Akiran says 'You could attempt to harvest it and then examine the results.'
Lexiane says 'Interesting, Amilesa. Removing what he has now would for sure mean he has no mustache.'
Tazelam says 'I would like to keep what I have, thank you.'
Lexiane says 'Does that mean that as long as the hair exists on his upper lip, Tazelam has a mustache?'
Tazelam says 'It's mine after all.'
Amilesa clangs the dagger against the metal buckle of her belt.
Akiran says 'It may be undetectable to the eye.. but the blade knows true.'
Akiran nods in agreement.
Lexiane says 'Or is it simply choosing to preclude the mustache erases its possibility.'
Amilesa says 'Rather, I propose that if we remove what is there, then there is no question.'
Lexiane says 'Yes, but it does not answer the question.'
Tazelam says 'The fact that you think there is something to be removed indicates that you do believe it exists.'
Lexiane says 'Well there is hair there, Tazelam, I agree!'
Lexiane rubs her head, deep in thought.
Lexiane says 'But the hair does not meet the requirements of a mustache.'
Akiran says 'Is it mustache hair though?'
Amilesa says 'One moment.'
Amilesa leaves north riding a shaggy brown mare.
Lexiane says 'If it did, there would be many mustachioed farm wives across Andor.'
Akiran says 'Does it taste like mustache hair?'
Lexiane says 'I do not know what mustache hair tastes like!'
Amilesa has arrived from the north, riding a shaggy brown mare.
Amilesa leaves south riding a shaggy brown mare.
Lexiane says 'Do you, Lord?'
Amilesa has arrived from the south, riding a shaggy brown mare.
Amilesa gives Lexiane a dust-covered book.
Lexiane says 'Tazelam, let Lord Wall Guard taste your lip hair?'
Akiran licks his upper lip.
Akiran says 'Beef stew.'
Tazelam says 'No.'
Akiran nods in agreement.
Lexiane says 'Hm.'
Lexiane says 'Thank you for the book, novice'
Lexiane says 'What should I do with it?'
The fountain splashes merrily, light sparkling beautifully on the surface of the water.
Amilesa says 'This is a book on Mustaches from the Library. Don't ask me why we have it, nor why it was checked out recently , but I found it while I was sorting.'
Lexiane says 'Ah, interesting.'
Lexiane begins eagerly flipping through the book.
Amilesa says 'If we open the pages and find a mustache that matches what is on the Queen's Guard lips, then that resolves that.'
Lexiane lifts the book up and shows the assembled group a well drawn picture of a voluminous mustache.
Lexiane says 'I would say, definitively, that this picture is of a mustache. Would you all agree?'
Amilesa leans in from the side, trying to assess the pages unobtrusively.
Akiran says 'If you'll excuse me..'
Lexiane shoves the mustache picture in Amilesa's direction.
Akiran says 'I've got to see about a Byrgler.'
Akiran leaves west riding a gray palfrey.
Lexiane says 'Hm, there goes our mustache taster.'
Amilesa places a finger on the picture Lexiane called out.
Tazelam says 'There are many different kinds. You wouldn't catch me wearing a Murandian mustache, for instance.'
Lexiane studies Tazelam closely.
Amilesa says 'Yes, that is certainly a mustache.'
Lexiane says 'Thank you, novice.'
Amilesa says 'Of course, Accepted.'
Lexiane says 'Now, I do not think the hair on Tazelam's face is in this book.'
Lexiane flips through the pages at a breakneck speed.
Amilesa brings her hands down to her hips and takes a step back.
Lexiane gives a dust-covered book to Amilesa.
Lexiane says 'You can check for me, too'
Amilesa leaves north riding a shaggy brown mare.
Lexiane says 'Given your knowledge of the many kinds of mustaches, Tazelam, is it likely that one book would have a picture of every kind of mustache?'
Lexiane blinks her over large eyes at Tazelam rapidly.
Amilesa has arrived from the north, riding a shaggy brown mare.
Amilesa sits down on the edge of the fountain, some dust emanating from her dress.
Tazelam says 'Well if it helps narrow it down, I'm from Arad Doman, and for your information no one there has mustaches like you're showing in that book, so just because you have a book doesn't mean it has everything on the subject in it.'
Amilesa says 'Accepted, what did Akiran say? I presume people who have had or can have mustaches might have an informed opinion.'
Lexiane says 'Well, I think that that is a no to the idea that one book can hold every mustache.'
Lexiane says 'Akiran was interested in Tazelam's mustache's physical properties.'
Lexiane says 'I think that we are instead having a philosophical debate.'
Athroc has arrived from the west, riding a bloodstock stallion.
Lexiane says 'I would say, definitively in my opinion, that Tazelam's upper lip hair do not meet the narrow definition of a mustache.'
Athroc sits down and rests on a bench.
Lexiane says 'BUT'
Athroc ponders life, the universe, and everything.
Lexiane raises a finger to halt an interruption that was not coming.
Lexiane says 'It could still be considered a mustache'
Amilesa offers Athroc a piece of fruit.
Lexiane says 'As when you look at it, you know it is trying to be a mustache.'
Lexiane says 'Since it conveys a specific sense of mustache-ness'
Athroc says 'Oh, don't mind if I do!'
Lexiane says 'Is it not a mustache?'
Athroc thanks Amilesa heartily.
Lexiane finishes her monologue and then looks around the square, slightly bewildered to see newcomers.
Athroc gives a mug of ale to Amilesa.
Lexiane clears her throat.
Athroc says 'A gift for a gift'
Lexiane says 'Perhaps I have found my first book.'
Lexiane says 'Tazelam, would you read a philosophy of mustaches?!'
Athroc eats a strange fruit.
Tazelam says 'Are novices allowed to have that?'
Amilesa says 'So you are saying a patch of hair that wishes to be a mustache is in face a mustache by intent.'
Lexiane says 'A philosophy of mustaches?'
Tazelam says 'I'm not much one for reading.'
Lexiane says 'I can't imagine why not.'
Lexiane says 'Yes, Amilesa, I believe I am.'
Lexiane says 'Intent may in fact be the defining characteristic of mustache-ness'
Amilesa looks at the mug of ale. Looks at the Accepted. Then looks at Tazelam.
Lexiane says 'Barring meeting the minimum physical requirements, which are immediately recognizable by sight.'
Amilesa gives a mug of ale to Tazelam.
Lexiane says 'Ah, ale!'
Lexiane says 'I quite like ale.'
Amilesa says 'A gift, for you. From the bottom of my heart.'
Lexiane says 'But yes, novice, some Aes Sedai think you should not drink ale.'
Athroc gives you a dented tankard.
Lexiane says 'Others think you can.'
A bloodstock stallion cocks its head up sharply.
Athroc says 'Well, then. I have you covered.'
Lexiane says 'It's very complicated.'
Lexiane thanks Athroc heartily.
Amilesa says 'It doesn't sound complicated.'
Lexiane says 'I also like beer.'
Lexiane says 'How is that not complicated?!'
Lexiane peers closely at Amilesa, her doe eyes absorbing details hungrily.
Athroc says 'Did I just walk in on a discussion of the problem of the beard in regards to a mustache?'
Amilesa says 'Everyone knows you must listen to an Aes Sedai, even if two orders conflict with one another. It is part of our training to maneuver between those situations.'
Tazelam says 'Um. I don't have a beard, and don't intend to.'
A Tower Guard has arrived from the west.
Lexiane says 'No, we have not considered the beard yet.'
Athroc scratches the patchy growth on his chin.
Lexiane says 'Amilesa, you are quite wise for one so young.'
Tazelam says 'Would you say he has one then?'
Tazelam points at Athroc.
Amilesa says 'In this particular case, it is not complicated because simply listening to the restrictive order does not violate the other.'
Lexiane says 'Even if your mustache thinking is linear and simplistic.'
Tazelam is trying to deflect the conversation away from himself.
Lexiane runs a hand over her bald head.
Lexiane says 'Well, I think that he has a beard and there is a mustache as well'
Lexiane says 'But we would call that a beard'
Athroc nods in agreement.
Lexiane says 'It is assumed that a beard would have a mustache, and only noteworthy when they do not'
Akiran has arrived from the west, riding a warhorse.
Athroc says 'I find if I remove the mustache portion, I also remove the memory of so many enjoyable meals.'
Akiran leaves south riding a warhorse.
Athroc says 'And that's a tragic thing indeed.'
Lexiane says 'Oh, Athroc! Are you familiar with the taste of a mustache?!'
Akiran has arrived from the south.
Akiran leaves south. vv
Lexiane says 'Tazelam, please let Athroc taste your upper lip hair?!'
Lexiane claps her hands eagerly.
Tazelam says 'No!'
Akiran has arrived from the south, riding a warhorse.
Lexiane sighs.
Athroc says 'Hmm, shame'
Lexiane says 'An opponent of science and philosophy.'
Lexiane scowls at Tazelam.
Akiran nods at Lexiane.
Lexiane says 'Well, I think that any upper lip hair that is recognizable as an attempt at a mustache'
Athroc sips from the goblet.
Lexiane says 'Is categorically a mustache'
Athroc ponders life, the universe, and everything.
Athroc says 'Intention makes a mustache?'
Lexiane nods at Athroc.
Lexiane says 'I believe so'
Athroc says 'Young lads everywhere will rejoice!'
Lexiane says 'BUT'
Amilesa says 'But should it? Isn't classifying any hair as a mustache negating the categorization of what a mustache is?'
Lexiane says 'Only if others recognize that intention.'
Akiran leaves west riding a warhorse.
Tazelam says 'Give me a few more days.'
Lexiane gives a dented tankard to Tazelam.
Lexiane says 'For example,'
Lexiane says 'If Tazelam were to drink that beer'
Lexiane says 'And the foam coated his upper lip'
Lexiane says 'That would not meet my definition of a mustache'
Lexiane says 'Despite looking like a mustache'
Tazelam sighs loudly.
Lexiane says 'In fact, it would look more like a mustache than his current upper lip hair!'
Athroc says 'What if he drank it with the intention of coating his upper lip with foam?'
Lexiane says 'Then his intention was to coat his lip with foam'
Lexiane says 'To make a faux mustache, as it were!'
Lexiane says 'That has qualities of mustache, call it a certain mustache-ness'
Lexiane says 'But it is not a mustache'
Akiran has arrived from the west.
Akiran leaves south. vv
Lexiane says 'But it is not a mustache, as it does not meet the fundamental definition of a mustache.'
Lexiane says 'Similarly, if I were to cut off your hair, Athroc, and glue it to my lip'
Lexiane says 'It would not be a mustache!'
Athroc says 'So if he's follicularly deprived and wants a mustache, you would say he doesn't have one despite having the intention of having one? '
Lexiane says 'Yes'
Athroc says 'Not everyone who wants a mustache can grow one'
Athroc comforts Tazelam.
Lexiane says 'It would not meet the basic requirements of a mustache.'
Athroc says 'But that doesn't mean they can't still have one.'
Lexiane says 'Well, I would like to be 8 feet tall but I cannot be!'
Lexiane lets out a laugh as loud as a donkey's braying.
Lexiane says 'Some things simply cannot be.'
Tazelam says 'I only just started a few days ago, you can't grow a full mustache that quickly!'
Athroc says 'If you stand up on this bench, I'd say you're at least 8 feet tall.'
Lexiane shakes her head at Athroc.
Lexiane says 'No, no.'
Amilesa says 'Is that a half-mustache then?'
Lexiane says 'I would be standing 8 feet in the air.'
Lexiane says 'That is not being 8 feet tall!'
Amilesa peers at Tazelam's quasi-stache.
Athroc says 'Your head will be eight feet above the ground.'
Lexiane says 'Not the same thing.'
Lexiane says 'If it were, we would say our height was different depending on what floor of a building we were on!'
Lexiane lets out another braying laugh.
Athroc says 'I am willing to say that if you are. We can be the change in the world.'
Athroc reaches out his hand.
Athroc sips from the goblet.
Lexiane says 'I do not agree.'
Amilesa places the palm of her hand flat against the top of her head, then raises it as far in the air as it will go.
Athroc says 'Fair enough. I don't think I have a bench to stand on with that argument.'
Lexiane says 'Frivolities have their place, but we were discussing important ideas about the philosophy of a feature of a person!'
Lexiane groans loudly.
Amilesa glances at the bench. Right next to him.
Lexiane says 'Well, Tazelam, I appreciate you letting me contemplate your upper lip hair.'
Lexiane says 'And thank you all for engaging in the conversation.'
Tazelam says 'Ah, well, I think it's best I return to my duties.'
Athroc leans back on the hard stone bench.
Lexiane nods her shaved head.
Lexiane says 'I must return to my studies as well.'
A shaggy brown mare flickers its ears.
Lexiane curtseys to her audience.
Amilesa shows a strange fruit to Tazelam.
Lexiane says 'Good day to you all!'