The Udder Truth

[Tolza]

My wife and I have been married for twenty-five years. I love her with all my heart — but she still manages to piss me off daily. After a quarter century of marriage, I’ve learned one universal truth: arguing with her is about as productive as teaching a goldfish to drive. I will always be wrong. Always.

Now, rewind a few years to when almond milk and oat milk became the holy water of the health world. Regular milk was suddenly demonized — apparently, it had personally offended everyone’s digestive systems. Right on cue, my wife, bless her confident soul, self-diagnosed as lactose intolerant.

Every morning, my retired self has a simple ritual: drive to the local coffee shop, grab my black coffee, and pick up her (insert flavor that took 29 minutes to decide) chai — with oat or almond milk, of course.

Now, I love this woman. But sometimes I need a little reminder that she’s not always as self-assured and eternally correct as she thinks she is. So, being the loving husband I am, I started skipping the trendy nut juice and ordered her drink with good old-fashioned, straight-from-the-cow, full-fat milk.

Does it send her to the bathroom for hours on end? Nope. Not once. She drinks it happily, every time — that is, until I casually mention, “Hey, I think the new guy might’ve messed up your order and used real milk.”

And suddenly, as if by lactose magic, she’s clutching her stomach and glaring at me like I’m the Dairy Devil himself.

Is it petty? Maybe.
Do I need it for our relationship? Absolutely.

After twenty-five years, it’s not about winning. It’s about staying slightly sane

[Daga]

Love it!!!! Sometimes you need to play those type of games where you are the only spectator and the game host for your sanity.

[Firimei Lang]

Love it!!!! Sometimes you need to play those types of games where you are the only spectator and the game host for your sanity.

It's the little things that keep the magic.