Finding Acceptance, Part Four: A String Between Us

[Amarea]

Summary:
Amarea continues her efforts to gain a more nuanced understanding of each of the seven Ajahs by meeting with at least one Aes Sedai from each Ajah. To this end, she meets next to discuss the Gray Ajah with Chloro Sedai, who challenges Amarea's understanding of how the Ajahs support each other and the greater goals of the White Tower as a whole. Amarea discusses her progress on a task that Chloro had recently given her to assist three justice organizations. She begins to gain some clarity about which Ajahs are likely not a good fit for her, but still grapples with uncertainty about her future.

POV: Amarea
Main characters: Amarea, Chloro
Guest appearance: Finan

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Meeting Room of the Gray Ajah
Large, leaded glass windows surround the room on all sides, save the
southern where a large doorway leads out into a antechamber. The room
itself is dominated by a large wooden table around which sits at least
fifty matching chairs, something close to a record for the White Tower. In
the middle of the table are an assortment of unused parchments, quill pens
and stoppered ink jars. A small stand off to one side of the room holds a
large number of glass cups and a large pitcher of chilled water. An
inscription in fine lettering is etched upon the windows.
[ obvious exits: E ]
A chair made of red oak rests next to the table. [4]
A large round table built from black oak dominates the center of the room.
Lady Chloro Arovni, Aes Sedai is standing here.
A silver-haired Aes Sedai sits here, reading.
A Gray Sister walks here, considering her options.
Annoura Larisen is here, weighing your words.

Chloro turns from looking out the large window to incline her head in greeting to the Accepted. 'I received your note Amarea, what do you wish to discuss?'

Amarea smiles as she enters the Gray Ajah's chambers, carrying a small tray of plates of food, freshly baked bread, a few cups of tea, and some wine.

Amarea says 'Good evenin' Chloro Sedai. It has been some time since I've seen you. I hoped to discuss a few things related to the Gray Ajah, if you have a little bit of time. I brought some refreshments, in case you needed some.'

Amarea gives a goblet of Cairhien wine to Chloro.
Amarea gives a loaf of crusty fresh bread to Chloro.
Amarea gives a plate of yellow peppers and pork to Chloro.
Amarea gives a cup of mint and cloudberry tea to Chloro.

Amarea beams a broad smile from ear to ear.

Chloro nods smiling warmly as she glides across the floor tiles to the large round table, taking her high-backed chair on the southeastern bend. 'Please have a seat Accepted, I believe the last time we spoke formally you were a novice carrying a pail of water. I am glad to see it is no longer with you.'

Amarea blushes faintly but smiles at the comment. 'Yes, I am pleased to say I've come a long way since then.'

Amarea sits down on a stout oaken chair.

Amarea adds, 'In part because of your pressing, Aes Sedai. I know that Aelrena Sedai was ultimately the sister who helped me break my block, but your efforts to push me to do so were instrumental.'

Chloro takes up the mug of mint tea and inhales deeply, allowing the scent to fill her nostrils before taking the smallest of sips. 'Mistress Laras must have received a shipment from the north. You can tell mint grown in colder temperatures, it lacks the sweetness of the south. In regards to your block, it helps to know fear, and what it is capable of. I to faced fear before the arches, fear of turning my back on very old traditions.'

Amarea mimics the Gray Sister, holding her own cup of tea and inhaling the vapors, but not yet sipping it. 'I thought that I knew what my fears were, before I went into the arches. I tried hard to expose myself to fire, and have been working at not letting it interrupt my calm when weaving. But, I faced things in there that were...unexpected.'

Amarea licks her lips nervously and does sip then, trying to hide a frown.

Chloro pauses a moment, then lets out a small sympathetic sigh. 'This was my very reasoning for stating I would not agree to you facing the arches until your block was broken. Having now been through them, you understand the risk. I meant to have you succeed and would not allow it until I was certain you were ready.'

Amarea grips the cup in her hands, eyes distant for a moment, but they snap back to the Gray sister as she replies simply, 'Thank you.' The Accepted coughs and continues, 'I had a few questions for you today, Chloro Sedai. First, I was wondering if maybe you had heard from any people lately about some things I have been trying to do in order to assist justice organizations, as per a task you gave me last week.'

Chloro allows a little sparkle in her eye as she looks to the Accepted with her cool gray eyes, weighing and measuring the girl. She had gained a backbone breaking the block, perhaps she would surprise in the future. 'I have heard some things, before you go further with your questions. What have you learned from aiding the world at large?'

Amarea says 'Well, I'm not done with your task quite yet. But the first lesson it taught me was a rather embarrassing one, and that is how I actually do not know as much as I thought about what it means to be a justice organization.'

Amarea blushes furiously.

Amarea says 'The second lesson I have learned so far is that providing meaningful aid, assistance that is truly appreciated, can take many forms depending on the recipient's needs and desires.'

Chloro says 'Ah, do not be to hard on yourself. Remember, though you are Accepted, you are still very much at the beginning of your learning of the world outside. It can take forms for them and for yourself. Think of the act as a string between you and the other person. To be pulled should it need in future. That particular stereotype is correct.'

Amarea nods thoughtfully.

Amarea says 'So far, the things I have done to provide aid felt a bit like I was ingratiating myself to them. I found myself wondering whether diplomacy requires one to give first before you get, so to speak, and how to know a fair trade when you see it.'

Chloro says 'The greatest of negotiations are ones in which both parties leave the table with equal benefit. However humanity has greed breed into it, so it is a constant battle of wills to try and balance the offers given. Most parties that come to the table will attempt to take more and give less. However having aided someone in the past does make them more agreeable to compromise when it comes to it.'

Chloro says 'Take For instance...'

Chloro says 'You are here because I pushed you harder than most to show you could overcome your fear. I have aided you and now a string exists between us. Many Accepted do not think of this when they take lessons from Aes Sedai, however the ones the strings grow the strongest with, usually end up being their mentors. This is something you should watch for in future with other Accepted.'

Amarea frowns as she contemplates that advice, idly swirling the cup of tea in her hands as she considers the implications of the lesson.

Amarea admits, 'The Gray Ajah is on a list of Ajahs that interest me, and that I think could play to my goals. But the problem I have been noticing lately is in narrowing down the list of which Ajahs are probably not a good fit.'

Chloro nods and reflects on her own days choosing an Ajah. 'I find it better not to think of the Ajah, but what you would do if you could not channel. Would you be a politician, a Wisdom, a researcher, or a seeker of justice?'

Amarea frowns at that question, eyebrows furrowing. 'Do you mean as if I never had the gift to channel? Or if it were somehow...taken from me, or lost somehow?'

Chloro says 'Does it make a difference, child? You cannot go back, so being born without the gift is not an option.'

Amarea says 'Beggin' your pardon, Aes Sedai, but I think it matters to me. I have spent most of my life so far unaware that I could channel. If I were to return to that state of ignorance, and have full choice in how I spent my time, I would probably enjoy studying things, exploring the world, traveling and seeing places I've never been. But if I were...burned out, or stilled...'

Amarea says 'If I lost the ability to channel, I would spend every waking moment trying to find some way to reverse that, Aes Sedai. I would look for a ter'angreal, or some description of a weave from the Age of Legends that might allow such a feat. I would try to understand how it had happened and seek possible solutions to fix it. And if I were not successful, I would probably dive into helping people in some way, probably as a Wisdom, and use my knowledge of herbs to make some small difference.'

Chloro says 'Then let us phrase it another way. If you had the knowledge you do now, and did not have the ability to channel, what would you do then? Keep in mind all Ajahs do a little bit of everything.'

Chloro smiles and nods urging the Accepted to take it idea further.

Amarea says 'If I had the knowledge I have now, but had never been given the chance to channel, I think I would probably look for some way to be more than a baker's daughter, and give back to the world in another way. And hopefully, I would learn something along the way that actually makes a difference.'

Chloro raises a finger for silence before speaking 'What is the common theme of both those notions?'

Amarea says 'Knowledge, and using it to help people, I think.'

Amarea admits abashedly, looking down, 'I never realized how...ordinary my life was before. I never took that for granted because I cared about my family, and felt content with it. But I don't think I would be content any more to sit around baking bread, knowing that people were starving somewhere, and that the Shadow was trying to claim the lives of helpless people somewhere.'

Chloro says 'Ah, but you mentioned Wisdom. Most think Wisdoms are a non-Tower version of Yellow sisters, but that is not true. Wisdoms do heal, however, they run with women's councils in most towns and cities, oversee the town on regular councils, and are in charge of the well-being of many people at once. This is the area of the Gray Ajah. The Gray Ajah is a mix of Yellow, Blue, and all the other Ajahs combined.'

Amarea beams a broad smile from ear to ear.

Amarea says 'I spent the better part of an hour tonight Traveling around the world, collecting wild herbs and then mixing them into potions I would like to give to the Queen's Guard as a gift. Captain Adael had difficulty thinking of something their soldiers really needed, but these I think could actually help them in meaningful ways against the Shadowspawn.'

Chloro says 'That is true but take the meaning deeper.'

Amarea shakes her head slightly, taking another sip of her tea to buy time for her to process the question at hand further. 'Aes Sedai, I think I understand what you mean. Wisdoms, or Readers, or whatever they're called - they can be very important at shepherding a community. I've seen them change minds as much as they've helped to heal injuries.'

Amarea says 'I just don't know how to tell whether diplomacy, being a leader in that kind of setting, is the kind of thing I would enjoy. I think it would be nice to feel respected, and heard. But beggin' your pardon, Chloro Sedai, this task you gave me was exhuasting. Trying to find ways to please people...I don't know how you do it all the time.'

Amarea blushes furiously.

Chloro says 'Queen Morgase is the only Tower trained Monarch currently. By bolstering the Queen's Guard, you ensure she continues to sit on that throne further tying Andor to the Tower. You will also gain a friend to call on should you need aid. Now do you see child?'

Amarea nods at the question. 'I do see how supporting the Queen's Guard can have ripple effects, yes. Positive ones, I hope. That's part of the reason I have them on my list of justice clans I want to prioritize helping.'

Chloro chuckles and takes another sip of her tea, 'I listen, you must listen to what is being said, and what is not being said. To hear between the words the real need. For instance, with your block, the way you described it, the inability to move away from water. That had fear in its voice even though you did not state it. Try to listen to what they say then also think of what was not said.'

Amarea nods thoughtfully.

Amarea muses aloud, 'It was actually offering aid to Lord Galfrey of the Tanchico Civil Watch that led me to think more about what diplomacy means, even though I am not counting helping him as one of the three clans for your task.'

Chloro takes on a level tone and raises one eyebrow. 'For instance.'

Amarea pauses, nodding her head at the Aes Sedai's signal that she is about to share something more.

Chloro says 'I can hear in your questions that you do in fact entertain the Gray Ajah as a high possibility, however you are testing the waters before making a firm decision. I would add to that thought pattern, which Ajah can you see yourself in, after one hundred years. This choice will last you till you meet the Mother's embrace.'

Chloro says 'Nations will rise and fall, there will always be a need of Grays to be the glue that binds them to the Tower and each other.'

Amarea nods, a smile on her face. 'As I said before, I've no problem daydreaming about Ajahs I would want to one day join, including the Gray Ajah. But deciding which ones -not- to pursue, how to rule them out, has been what I am focusing on this past week.'

Chloro says 'What Ajahs have you ruled out so far?'

Amarea says 'I have unfortunately ruled out the Yellow. As much as I would enjoy their sorority and agree with their mission, after talking with Penzei Sedai, I am increasingly confident that I lack the Talent for Healing, and that my Talents lie elsewhere.'

Chloro says 'That is one down, and another?'

Amarea says 'I also fear that the Green Ajah would not be a good fit, which disappoints me. I have found myself running into battle rather than away from it, and even have surprised myself how much I enjoyed the thrill of battle. But I am pitifully weak in Fire, and although Vianca Sedai did not go so far as to say it would prevent me from pursuing their Ajah, I don't think I could be very effective in the Blight with the strengths and weaknesses I have in channeling.'

Chloro nods and thinks for a moment then motions the Accepted to continue. 'Who is next on the chopping block?'

Amarea says 'I am ambivalent on the Red Ajah, and I want to learn more about them from speaking with one of their sisters. But I would rather study a man who can channel, to understand how the taint forms and whether it can be Healed or prevented, than to gentle him. I pity the men who have the unfortunate ability to channel, but I know from my lessons with Saerin Sedai and Pevara Sedai that the greatest feats from the Age of Legends involved both men and women working together, with saidin and saidar.'

Amarea says 'I am intrigued at the idea of the White Ajah, as well as the Brown, Gray, and Blue.'

Chloro says 'Then there where four. '

Chloro says 'You know of the Gray a bit, what draws you to the Blue?'

Amarea smiles as she reminisces briefly. 'In part, because of the fondness I felt for Keshara Sedai when she inducted me, and a lesson with Kitiara Sedai. But I deeply respect the idea of pursuing something important, something meaningful, and dedicating your life to that. After living in poverty for the last five years, then later realizing that I had the ability to channel but with a full potential that was blocked, I have a great deal of empathy for women out there who might be in need of the White Tower's aid and protection.'

Chloro says 'That is true child, but all Ajahs look for girls that can channel and bring them here. I will require a stronger argument then that.'

Amarea grimaces abashedly.

Amarea admits, 'I know, Aes Sedai. To be honest, the Blue Ajah seems the most abstract for me and hardest to define its mission, which is why it seems attractive to me but also hard to evaluate how well it fits my own desires and skills.'

Amarea says 'I completed a task for Moiraine Sedai that was very rewarding and enlightening, but I am hoping to meet with one of the Blue sisters soon like I am with you tonight, so I can discuss the topic further with them.'

Chloro says 'Do you faint at the sight of hard interrogations? Would cracking the mental will of a prisoner cause your stomach upset? These are also within the realm of the Blue Ajah.'

Amarea shifts uncomfortably as she considers the question.

Chloro says 'It was once said "A Blue will always bring the truth out of someone, by any means necessary within the Three Oaths."'

Chloro says 'I see much of the Blue in myself, and Mariel Sedai of the Gray.'

Amarea says quietly, 'I've met some people who make me sick, and I would probably like nothing more than to give them a piece of my mind or stop them from hurting other people. But I would need a lot of help and lessons to be able to deftly lead an interrogation like that.'

Chloro notices the change in tone and body language of the Accepted. 'You are expected to live by the Three Oaths child. I do not think you believe the statement you just said.'

Amarea grits her teeth and says, 'I'm not afraid to fight someone if it's the right thing to do. I don't have the stomach to torture anyone, but I have six siblings and if anyone tried to do anything to hurt them, I would make sure they think twice before ever trying something like that again.'

Chloro says 'Then you are on the fence about the Blue, so it narrows to three.'

Amarea says 'It's why when Shadowspawn attacked Tar Valon a few days ago, I went out with Vianca Sedai to hunt them down, rather than hiding behind Coulin Gaidin and his students. The thought of them pillaging the city while we stayed behind the warders made me sick.'

Amarea says 'Truth be told, Aes Sedai, some of my conversations with Alison Sedai and Erulisse Sedai were some of the most exciting and thought-provoking I've had since joining the White Tower. The White and Brown Ajahs are both high on my list.'

Amarea says 'I never once in my life before coming here thought that studying philosophy and logical reasoning would be interesting to me. But I also never had the luxury of free time and resources to really sit and grapple with bigger questions about our world, or the Pattern. And I enjoy observing things, thinking about things, and applying things I know.'

Chloro says 'Do not make the mistake of choosing an Ajah because you like a particular Aes Sedai. There are some I cherish that have been gone from the tower for decades. You must choose what you would be comfortable doing on your own.'

Amarea nods thoughtfully.

Amarea says 'Beggin' your pardon, Chloro Sedai, maybe I didn't explain it well. It's not Alison Sedai or Erulisse Sedai specifically that interested me, but instead the topics and the way of talking about those topics that I found really fascinating.'

Chloro nods but pauses then speaks 'Do you see the difference in both those statements? In one you say it vaguely, now you say it with conviction. When you have found the correct Ajah, you will have that same conviction.'

Amarea blinks and then blushes with a small smile. 'Oh. Yes, I think I see what you mean.'

Amarea says 'Aes Sedai, may I ask you a personal question?'

Someone knocks on the carveddoor from the other side.

Chloro says 'You spoke the same way about being a Wisdom as well. I do not think the Gray is done with you quite yet. Ask your question, you may speak freely.'

Chloro gestures with her hand.

The door smoothly swings open.

Finan has arrived from the east.

Amarea smiles at Finan.

Finan bows before Chloro.

Chloro inclines her head in greeting to Finan.

Finan places some tea and food on the table.

Finan puts an apple in a large round table.
Finan puts a chunk of cheese in a large round table.
Finan puts a cup in a large round table.
Finan puts a cup in a large round table.
Finan puts a cinnamon honeycake in a large round table.

Finan says 'You should eat something.'

Amarea beams a broad smile from ear to ear.

Finan smiles at Amarea.

Chloro says 'You fuss too much over me.'

Amarea chuckles politely.

Chloro rolls her eyes but nods as her Gaidin speaks.

Finan says 'They are gathering a group to slay more friends of the dark one, if you all get finished and would like to join.'

Finan waves.

Finan leaves east. >>

The carveddoor closes quietly.

Amarea says 'Chloro Sedai, I know you have mentioned tonight that you see strong traits of Blue in yourself, and if I recall correctly, I think you have told me before that you have the Talent for Healing.'

Amarea says 'How did you decide to rule out other Ajahs before you settled on the Gray?'

Amarea says 'I am sorry if I have kept you too long. I know you are a busy woman.'

Chloro thinks for a moment, she had given this answer many times before, but this one seemed different. 'I looked at what the other Ajahs could offer, then I followed the strings of them back, to the treaties, and workings of the Gray Ajah making it possible. Aes Sedai travel freely, are respected as the high seat of a noble house would be, and are seen for the most part as warriors of the Light. All due to a group of women inserting themselves in the royal courts, houses, and ruling councils of the continent. All the other Ajahs seemed dull after that.'

Amarea nods thoughtfully.

Amarea says 'So it was a matter not just of what you enjoyed, or were good at...but of a purpose and a lens through which you viewed the world, and then you found the Ajah that made you feel most at home with that?'

Chloro says 'I asked myself, when I look back, what would I be most at peace with doing for so long? Keeping the peace and leading was what came to mind. '

Amarea sets down her empty tea cup on the table, but still cradles it as she adopts an introspective look.

Chloro says 'We live very long lives.'

Amarea says 'You have given me a great deal to think about, Aes Sedai.'

Amarea adds with a small smile, 'Which is what I was hoping for when I came here.'

Chloro says 'What option will give you the most freedom to do as you wish? The Gray allowed me to keep the peace while filling the roles of sisters of other Ajahs. Grays truly do it all, we must, for we are the mortar between the bricks, the glue that binds.'

Chloro says 'For now you are correct, you have much to think on. I release you back to your schedule. However I think you should also speak with Accepted Evee, so is at the same crossroads you face.'

[Lys]

awarded 4qps (3 +1 for series)

Not sure if I can award Finan but I gave it a go

[Elysia]

Awarding Finan works/ worked btw. But 4 qps for a drive-by...

[Chloro]

Rplizer +1 qps : -
Extra meticulous edit +1 qps : -
Length bonus +1-2 qps : -
Summary: +1 qps : -

Awards:
Chloro 0 (declines qps)
Amarea 2